According to Wikipedia, misery loves company is an idiom referring to the observation that one person’s misery makes others miserable…
I felt grumpy today and realizing I’m grumpy makes me grumpier.
Instead of trying to cheer myself up I found myself looking for more reasons to feel nasty.
When you are having a bad day one thing after another seems to go wrong. Have you noticed this? It gets so ridiculous that if you stop a minute to think about it, the situation starts to become funny.
I’m not a mean-spirited person and although there are days I feel that way, I don’t believe I want to make others miserable.
But who wants to hang around with a grump? I don’t. When I feel this way I make a judgement that this is bad, and automatically that judgement sends me farther into the cave. Resisting it makes it stronger.
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August 25, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Ari Koinuma
I think you are finding the difference between outlet and indulgence. Misery loves company when the miserable person keeps it all in or indulge in it by constantly complaining.
It’s funny, many people see complaining as a bad thing to do. But I think it’s better than holding it all in, pretending that everything is OK. Complaining can be indulging in that you can get stuck in that mindset, reinforcing your life with your constant chatter about your misery. But if you do it in a focused way, with the intention of purging and not empowering, then it can be an outlet.
Me, I listen to music.
ari
August 25, 2008 at 6:31 pm
davinahaisell
Hi Ari. Thanks for dropping in
I totally agree with you on this. The miserable people are the ones who want to stay miserable by complaining and not doing anything about their situation. And in that case misery certainly does love company. I bet you do listen to music!
August 25, 2008 at 6:39 pm
spaceagesage
I had a similar weekend, but fortunately I could vent it all to my husband who realized I needed his ear, then his shoulder, and then his loving insight. We use humor, too, but in quirky ways. Irony and weird juxtapositioning of odd ideas usually get us through a lot. I agree with Ari that you eventually pay for burying negativity inside, but there are ways to release from it. Watching the movie The Princess Bride always helps, too.
August 25, 2008 at 6:47 pm
davinahaisell
Hi SpaceAgeSage. Sounds like you have a great husband there.
I like this quote by Wayne Dyer… “Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.”
Holding in the frustration and resisting it definitely puts you at a disadvantage.
August 25, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Bamboo Forest
“Accentuating the negative can actually turn it into a positive experience. That’s what comedians do.”
This is because you’re *making light* of the negative and putting it into perspective. That is why it feels better to do so, in my opinion. So in actuality – I’m not sure you’re actually accentuating it. Instead, you’re laughing at it.
These pet peeves of yours are absolutely hilarious. You know, with a stadium seating movie theatre it doesn’t matter if someone sits in front of you.
Thanks for the laugh
August 25, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Dr. Cason
The Elevator people really bug me! Particularly when I am standing there trying to get off and then are squishing their way in.
*ahem* I need to get off in order for you to get on. (I have really only said this a couple of times and it was to some teenagers who were having a particularly hard time getting on the elevator!
August 25, 2008 at 7:55 pm
davinahaisell
Hi Bamboo. Thanks for bringing this up — maybe accentuating wasn’t the correct word to use? I meant highlighting it, drawing more attention to it, bringing it out in the open. And your comment about “making light” of it is right on! Glad you enjoyed the laugh
Hi Dr. Cason. It’s funny when you think about it eh? I’ve actually caught myself doing this and it’s because I’m totally off in another world. But I still find it annoying when it happens *ahem* yes
August 25, 2008 at 9:32 pm
veredd
This is fun.
I can’t stand people that take themselves seriously.
Is that a pet peeve?
I think you’re right: one of my values is seeing the humor in things and HUMILITY. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and each of us is a very tiny piece of a huge puzzle. When people feel that they are more important, or “better” than others, when they forget humility, it drives me crazy.
August 25, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Valerie
i was around someone today who was grumpy and i decided to stay away…usually when i’m a bad mood, i tell people that i will not be good company and the choice to hang around me is up to them.
i don’t stay grumpy for long though…much too silly and I LOVE TO LAUGH!!
I’m a fan of Ellen, Dave Cook, Mitch Hedberg, Seinfeld, Whoppie, Wanda Sykes
PetPeeve: someone who calls you to write down information then they don’t have a freaking pen!
How do I deal with it, I roll my eyes and say bad words in my head. LOL
Okay now I’m laughing. Thanks!
August 25, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Leanne Magraith
I can relate to the transit stories Davina. I catch a bus to work and we get some interesting characters on the bus occasionally. One guy (who I guess may have OCD) gets in, sits down and then drops to the floor, shinging a torch along the floor and looks around furtively. He then finds another seat and does the same thing and then finally finds a third seat, and he stays there. He does this exact same routine every time he gets on the bus.
I am a fan of John Cleese (Monty Python, Faulty Towers etc). When he gets angry or is miserable it is in a totally over the top very silly way – it makes me laugh at the ridiculousness (a word?) of it all.
I try to see the funny side of everything and I find being goofy and silly in an exaggerated way a bit like John Cleese does is such a great stress relief for me.
August 26, 2008 at 2:23 am
davinahaisell
Hi Vered. “… each of us is a very tiny piece of a huge puzzle.” Oh you’re so right! It drives me crazy too when someone thinks they are more important than other people.
Hi Valerie. It is a good idea to let people know you’re in a bear mood; that way they’ll be less likely to take anything too personally. Rolling your eyes is quite satisfying isn’t it?
There must be some endorphin reflex behind those eyeballs — ha, ha.
Hi Leanne. That guy on the bus would make me feel a little awkward, and a bit sad too. Plus, it’s hard to watch people like this; their antics look funny but I know they can’t help it.
John Cleese is hilarious. My boyfriend and I enjoy watching his Faulty Towers shows. A friend of mine has the whole collection and we borrowed it once. John Cleese for hours on end. Can you imagine?
August 26, 2008 at 3:19 am
Evelyn Lim
I’m no angel but because I want to practice exuding positive energy as much as possible, I’m trying to reduce complaining and getting easily annoyed at others. I don’t deny that I still roll my eyes sometimes but one word comes up invariably in my mind: compassion. I think to myself that the other person is simply leading a very unaware and dis-connected life.
It’s nice that you are able to make light of your pet peeves. I definitely welcome the idea of looking at life and the odd habits of people with a great sense of humor!
August 26, 2008 at 3:43 am
Barbara Swafford
Hi Davina,
I don’t stay in a funk too long. Usually a nap does me good when I’m feeling that way.
Your pet peeves are funny. One of mine is incompetence, especially from government workers and I KNOW I am paying their wages (via my taxes).
August 26, 2008 at 5:01 am
davinahaisell
Hi Evelyn. You’ve just reminded me of this quote, “We’re spiritual beings having a human experience.”
Hi there Barbara. Ah yes, a nice nap. Ah yes, incompetence and the government. Sometimes I feel like a tennis ball being bounced around when I try to get through on the telephone to speak to a real person.
August 26, 2008 at 5:03 am
davinahaisell
@ Vered, yes I think that would be a pet peeve… seriously
August 26, 2008 at 6:38 am
Robin
Hi Davina!
I’ve tended to get very annoyed with smokers who have NO IDEA how irritating their smoke is – I’ve got more used to this now because Frank smokes.
The nail clipper in your list was funny – I remember someone clipping their nails on the train and the clippings flew in all directions!
Generally I’d be annoyed at people who do something that affects me in some way – the thing itself may change (e.g. incompetence might annoy me one day but be amusing the next)
August 26, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Harmony
I don’t normally think about what irritates me, I don’t want to put much attention there, but in the nature of this post, it seems too giddy to pass by – so: Eating with someone who does not close their mouth when drinking or eating (unless I watch it that can drive me buggy!) Davina, I noticed something in your list…you need space. You are spacially aware, and you need room to be you. So glad you are taking your SPACE online.
August 26, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Urban Panther
You walk into a grocery store, or box store, any store that involves a cart, and people ahead of you get their cart and then stop. Right there in the entrance way, they stop. You barely have room to get your own cart, and you sure can’t get around them. Hello! Other people coming through!
Actually, most of my posts are about peeves in some manner. The trick, I find, is to turn them around and poke fun at myself for finding them peeves in the first place.
Oh, another pet peeve, along the lines of misery loves company. People who are miserable with themselves so they undermine the positive energy of people around them, and keep it up until that person is miserable as well.
August 26, 2008 at 5:14 pm
davinahaisell
Hi Robin. I understand how you feel about second-hand smoke. You are so right on with pet peeves changing depending on how they affect you.
Hi Harmony. That can alter your appetite can’t it? It’s funny how certain things stand out for each of us; and it’s not really about the people, it’s about the action and how it affects us. You are spot on, I need a lot of space.
Hi Urban Panther. I’m with you on the grocery story one. That made me laugh. You’ve defined misery loves company perfectly! I’ve known people like that.
August 26, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Cath Lawson
Hi Davina – this is an excellent post. And it’s true – you can turn these grumpy things round into something funny. Usually – I write folk into hilarious (well for me anyway) situations to make me feel better when they’ve annoyed me.
but there’s more: The Grabbers: People who use their hands at the buffet – that is so gross.
The Bandits: People who enter the car park the wrong way and steal the space you were just about to get into.
And there’s plenty more but I’ll leave others to share them.
August 27, 2008 at 7:47 am
Al at 7P
People who change lanes without using their signals. Excuse me for being in your way!
There, I said it. I feel a lot better. It helped that I tried to use George Costanza’s voice when writing it. Thank you Davina!
August 27, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work
Some days you just need to allow yourself to be pissed off. Blow off some steam, let it rip so you can start fresh the next day.
I always thought the misery loves company meant that people were trying to pull others down to their level.
August 27, 2008 at 5:03 pm
davinahaisell
Hi Cath. Ha, those bandits! It pisses you off doesn’t it… especially when the pet peeve is regarding someone who is out and out, deliberately breaking a rule, and you suffer the consequences.
Hi Al. Or should I say George!
That’s it, just shout it out! Get it out of your system. But keep your eyes on the road at the same time!
Hello Tom. Letting it all out is healthy… as long as there is nobody in the line of fire!
August 28, 2008 at 6:22 am
Harmony
Wow, it seems misery really does love company.
))))
August 28, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Lance
Great list of pet peeves Davina (and everyone else!)! My favorite from your list is the chair kicker. That one really bugs me.
A couple to add:
Slow drivers driving in the fast lane on the freeway.
People who answer a telephone call when you’re talking to them.
August 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm
davinahaisell
Hi Harmony. It appears so. But I think misery has left the party and it’s just us now
Hi Lance. Thanks for popping in. Oh ya, slow drivers in the fast lane. That gets my boyfriend all the time. I don’t mind the phone answering too much unless they spend 5 or 10 minutes talking while I’m waiting.
August 29, 2008 at 7:20 am
Dave Fowler
Hi Davina,
Hope you don’t mind me adding a few?
My pet peeves include:
1. People who’ve barely introduced themselves, before taking over your comment section with a long list of ridiculous pet peeves.
2. When I’m standing at a urinal and the guy next to me strikes up a conversation.
3. When I’ve been talking to someone face to face, only later to realise I’ve got a great big lump of something hanging from my nose.
4. When someone comments, “Dave, you’re going very grey.” YES I’M GOING GREY. SO WHAT? I’M NEARLY BLOODY FORTY!
5. When people are disrespectful to The Olds.
6. When people call members of the aging population ‘The Olds’!
7. People with their skanky, crusty old toenails on show in their grubby sandals.
8. Ridiculous people, who enjoy ridiculous humour.
Dave
August 29, 2008 at 7:49 am
davinahaisell
Hi Dave. That’s quite a list!
1. Ya, I know what you mean
2. Happens to me all the time.
3. Is that your pet peeve, or the other person’s?
4. So, ahem, are you saying 40 is old?
5 & 6. Yes!
7. Gross!
8. So, are you calling yourself a ridiculous one of The Olds?
That was fun (except for the gross ones). Thanks for dropping by.
August 29, 2008 at 11:34 am
Dave Fowler
Davina,
No forty is NOT old. Not, not, not old! I actually started going grey at 19, and that was a long time ago.
People who are 90 are old.
Is it rude to call someone old?
Yes, I’m the ridiculous one.
It was fun. Thank you for letting me join in.
Dave
August 29, 2008 at 3:56 pm
davinahaisell
Hi again Dave. You are welcome. Thanks for joining in the party.
August 30, 2008 at 4:06 am
Melissa Donovan
I have to admit, people who block doorways are high on my list of pet peeves. Especially when there’s two of them standing there, having a lengthy conversation even though there’s plenty of room on either side of the door. Grr!!!
Misery loves company… I think this saying is about the way some people actually want to see others miserable so they won’t feel so alone in their own misery. I had a grumpy day kind of like yours earlier this week. I find that as I get older, I get better at brushing off grumpiness. It takes some effort though and laughter is great medicine for that!
August 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm
davinahaisell
Hi there Melissa. Yep, that’s the definition alright! Been there, done that! But no more
I liked what Ari said too (comment #1); “Misery loves company is when the miserable person keeps it all in or indulges in it by constantly complaining.” That’s why I enjoyed all these comments; laughter IS the best medicine!
August 30, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Sara at On Simplicity
I love your pet peeves! Chair Kicker is the worst! Bait-N-Switch always drives me nuts, too: The person who asks, “How are you?” and then proceeds to go on in mind-numbing detail about their own life.
And yeah, venting and laughing about it can be a healing, fun experience. It’s certainly better than hinting around and trying to get others to be sympathetic. My thing is, as soon as I realize I’m grumpy, I have a hard time keeping it up since the idea of being angry for no reason is too funny to stay upset.
August 31, 2008 at 5:52 am
davinahaisell
Hey Sara. Bait-N-Switch; I love it! It’s neat how easy it is to turn things around with a sprinkle of humour
September 1, 2008 at 8:19 am
davinahaisell
AND THE WINNER IS….
DAVE FOWLER for his pet peeve #3!
“When I’ve been talking to someone face to face, only later to realise I’ve got a great big lump of something hanging from my nose.”
It’s not only the most gross pet peeve in the list, but the most embarrassing and most frustrating one! He wins in all categories.