Free Spirit My Ass!

I thought this was a nice t-shirt when I bought it.

I believe in living as a free spirit so this was the perfect T.

A free spirit has been defined as a person who lives by their wishes and beliefs and who is unconstrained by society’s rules.

My definition of a free spirit is someone who is powerful, happy and free. Someone who embodies the spiritual, who is full of love and all that colourful loveliness of being alive. Oh, la-di-da!

Pollyanna step aside.

I’ve been kidding myself. I have only dreamed about being a free spirit.

I aspire to live unconstrained by society’s conventions because I want to hide in my safe little box. I’m afraid (no, I BELIEVE) I’m not good enough to belong anywhere!

This is a pattern I’ve lived with for most of my life, and I’ve kept my spirit contained because of it. Sad!

In grade seven I was ostracized by a group of girls. We would stand in a circle at recess and talk. Well, most of us talked. I just listened. I was very shy, afraid to talk and afraid to be seen.

One day, one of the girls approached me and told me they didn’t want me hanging around with them anymore. I was devastated and spent the next five years in school looking for some sign that anyone might like me, that I belonged and that someone wanted to be my friend. I wanted an invitation.

I suffered in silence. The only person I spoke to about this was my mother, and that was only because she saw me running from the school bus one afternoon in tears. I ran straight to my room and she followed.

“Nobody likes me,” I sobbed in answer to her concerned inquiry. I can’t remember what her response was. I just remember sobbing uncontrollably and she eventually left without a word.

I went to therapy to heal this wound but the pain never went away. Why? I kept making those girls responsible for my pain. A part of me still wanted to believe they were insensitive cruel bitches (that felt good!), but I know now as an adult that kids will be kids.

The reality was that I was already in pain before being ostracized. I believed then that I didn’t belong and I didn’t have anything to offer. That was why I stood in silence in that circle during recess. In a sense I was using them to keep up an appearance. Why shouldn’t they kick me out? I was their weakest link.

What happened was only a reflection of my belief system. Thinking back, I didn’t dispute this with those girls. I accepted that there was something wrong with me and continued to live my life in a box, afraid to be seen.

So how can I free my spirit?

Somehow I don’t think that ripping this t-shirt off while walking along a busy downtown sidewalk is the answer.

I’m still learning that living as a free spirit doesn’t require an invitation from anyone but myself. It needs to be exercised and that will not happen while living in a box. And, there is no la-di-da here either.

These are 10 actions I believe will exercise the spirit into remembering the freedom that is its birthright.

• Take the self and everyone else less seriously.
• Make rules and then break them.
• Make lots of mistakes; laugh at and learn from them.
• Stop trying to have everyone else conform to my rules.
• Give other people permission to be themselves and make their own mistakes.
• Respond, don’t react.
• Let creativity speak and listen to it; practice what inspires you because that strengthens the spirit.
• Get out of the head and follow the heart more; practice to learn the difference.
• Envision myself as already living as a free spirit.
• Take my place in the circle; recognize that I have gifts to share and just share them!

I will leave you with this quote that a friend shared with me just today. “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

As for that box I mentioned, are you in or out? How has this affected your life?

Please share your comments below and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to subscribe to my feed. My next post is entitled “Creative Luny Landing in the Sand”.

Photo Credit: Davina Haisell

I’m Over The Moon As NBOTW

If you are a new visitor to Loving Pulse, welcome and thanks for stopping by!

And, hi to all you regular readers. I have appreciated your comments and support over the past few months.

A big thanks to Barbara at Blogging Without A Blog for choosing Loving Pulse as New Blog of the Week (NBOTW). I am, as the title of this post suggests, “Over The Moon”.

When I started posting in June, Barbara was the first to leave a comment and she has continued to visit and comment since then. 

I had no idea how much time was involved when I first started this practice but thankfully, I have learned a lot from Blogging Without A Blog. Barbara shares helpful tips and information to make blogging easier for all of us. If you are a new blogger, spend some time reading through her archives.

I have connected with a huge number of other bloggers who read and comment on Barbara’s blog, and learned from many of them too.

At Loving Pulse I write about what moves me. Like the moon, we all have a dark side and a sunny side. I explore this through my own experience with the hopes of inspiring readers to do the same for themselves.

My most recent article entitled Stepping Out Of These Old Shoes is about facing, or not facing changes in life.

My upcoming article to be posted this Friday is entitled Free Spirit My Ass!

Feel free to visit my Favourite Posts page where I have showcased some of my favourites.

I will sign off now with a quote from Les Brown.

“Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars.”

 

Please share your comments below and if you don’t want to miss my upcoming posts, don’t forget to subscribe to my feed.

Photo Credit: Davina Haisell

Stepping Out Of These Old Shoes

This is my foot, happily posing on a dock at Lakeside Campground in Sasquatch Provincial Park, in mid September.

I am one of the last people I know who puts my sandals away in the fall and one of the first to bring them out in the springtime. Going barefoot is my preference.

I enjoy shopping for shoes, but I’ve realized that it is more about dreaming of finding that perfect pair, rather than buying them.

Let me tell you, this is no easy accomplishment. Even more challenging is letting go of that favourite pair of shoes.

You know the ones. You’d hardly recognize them from that early honeymoon period when you shared blisters, walks in the rain and walks across sandy beaches.

Their wear and tear boasts miles travelled together with accumulated sentimental value. They are comfortable. They fit like a glove and in all actuality, they shine more than the newest shoes in your closet. You tend to reach for them before you reach for the newer ones.

Children change and grow out of their shoes quickly but as adults we can wear the same pair of shoes for years. Buying a new pair of shoes has always been a challenge for me.

I often find myself window shopping, dreaming about finding that next pair of perfect shoes and being frustrated by yet another unsuccessful shopping trip. But, I wonder if subconsciously I don’t really want to find that new pair of shoes?

I have friends who wear a variety of styles and colours, both new and old. What I’ve also noticed is that these friends are vibrant and enthusiastic and walk headfirst into change in their lives.

I don’t enjoy change. I like comfort and I like familiar. What is interesting is that I continue to explore and cultivate my own personal growth, forgetting that this inevitably brings change.

Change gives me blisters and so I prefer going barefoot.

To my credit, I enjoy memories and appreciating how far I’ve come.

In the movie The Wizard of Oz, the shoes that Dorothy wore and whose heels she clicked together while saying “There’s no place like home,” were brilliant, red sparkling shoes. They created magic.

So, all I have to do is focus on taking more steps into the future rather than dreaming about it. Maybe then I’ll have some successful shopping trips and be able to add some brilliant new pairs of shoes to my closet. And even better, maybe we can enjoy that honeymoon period without any blisters!

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Are You Afraid of the Dark?

TWO WOLVES – A CHEROKEE LEGEND

A grandfather from the Cherokee nation was talking with his grandson.

“A fight is going on inside of me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.”

“One wolf is evil and ugly: (I call this the Dark Wolf). He is anger, envy, war, greed, selfishness and arrogance.”

“The other wolf is beautiful and good: (I call this the White Wolf). He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep VISION.”

“This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other human as well.”

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said. Then he finally cried out, “Oyee! Grandfather, which wolf will win?”

The grandfather replied, “The wolf that you feed.”

This is a nice sentiment, and I get what the grandfather is saying. But I’m not fond of the reference to this “terrible fight” that is going on inside of us.

In Robin Birch’s recent post on her blog Let’s Live Forever!, she writes,

“I like to think that when more people reach for the light, in any of a myriad of ways, and this becomes commonplace, a shift will occur in our mass consciousness.”

I support this idea wholeheartedly. Reaching for the light or the positive side of life is not about running from or fighting the dark. I don’t believe it has to be a struggle.

I admit to having dark thoughts and to resisting them. These thoughts are the work of my inner critic and fighting them exhausts me. But nevertheless they exist.

I enjoy believing that the dark is simply a shadow cast by the light. Anything that gets in the way of sunshine, casts a shadow. And although our shadows follow us, they are not real. They exist because we do. We cast those shadows ourselves.

In a recent post I wrote “If we fear our darkest thoughts they will continue to run our lives.”

Fighting a dark thought will feed it. Noticing a dark thought doesn’t feed it. In fact, by taking the time to see it and perhaps shed some light on it, an understanding can be reached. Understanding it means getting to know it; no longer having to fear the unknown. There is no duality here, and no fight. Vision is empowered and clarity moves us forward.

How do you handle your dark side?

Do you catch yourself believing what your inner critic tells you?

The next time your inner critic casts a shadow across your path what will you tell it?

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Photo Credit: Unknown

Is There A Proper Way To Pucker Up?

Summer is coming to a close and that means spending more time inside.

If you have a significant other, more time together could mean more time for kissing. Maybe?

Visit William Cane’s The Art of Kissing Blog, for some tips on how to pucker up.

Here are five French Kissing techniques he shares.

1. Flicker the tips of your tongues.
2. Rotate tongues in circular motions.
3. Play chase back & forth.
4. Suck your partner’s tongue.
5. Gently bite their tongue.

Are you moved to read on?

I thought so!

Do you remember your first kiss? I do. My heart was beating so fast I thought I might faint.

I like kissing, although I haven’t been fond of French Kissing. Back then, I could never understand what all the fuss was about.

I didn’t enjoy having that slimy thing invading my mouth. That appendage seemed to take on a life of its own. “Don’t guys know how to control these things?” I wondered as it poked around in my mouth.

I forgot I was kissing and focused just on that tongue thing. Not very romantic. But, after doing a bit of reading and research for this post there might be some hope for me and French Kissing.

I’ve come to the conclusion that kissing is subject to personal preference. A couple has to find out what each other likes.

Practice makes perfect. Lots of practice.

I prefer light and playful feathery kisses that tease and spark their way into a raging fire. Ok, I’m not going to go off on a slutty romance novel writing kick here, I promise. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

As for French Kissing, after reading William Kane’s suggested techniques, I’m certainly willing to parlez with that tongue again.

What about you? Do you care to kiss and tell?

If you enjoyed this article be sure to subscribe to my feed. My upcoming post is entitled “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”

Photo Credit: Unknown